Sean Eby

On not knowing

It's been a human anxiety and fear since the dawn of man to accept the fact that we may not know the answers to deep, burning questions about ourselves and our lives. We loathe the fact that we often can't predict the future or that we didn't know about something ahead of time such that we could have averted a catastrophe. At a fundamental level, the "answers" religion brings us are bite-sized, fictional pieces for us to consume to alleviate our anxieties and fears around, for example, death, or the meaning for our existence.

The truth we must face, though, is the dreaded, faceless, race-less reality that stands before us. Not as bystanders but as participants and players and warriors for our own lives. Take ownership of reality, including its extreme unknowns, I-don't-know answers, and surprises. This includes the good things and the terribly awful things too. A friend I knew recently committed suicide: a good, honorable, charismatic, talented person decided to end their own life. It's one of those oh-my-god-how-terrible (and it truly is) where you end up asking yourself why such bad things happen to such good people? The truth is that is bare and desolate: bad things simply do happen to good people. Bad things also happen to bad people. Meanwhile, occasionally great things happen to bad people, too! How dare them!

Reality isn't here to simply serve our needs. Justice isn't designed to merely enforce itself. Morals/rules/laws/social norms *exist* merely because they can be broken (and they do, often). The sooner you accept that realty "just is," the sooner you can take reasonable, rational steps to better yourself and your situation. No one is out there to save you; it's just you and perhaps a few close friends and family members (and for some, it's just themselves alone).

I find so many people want to remain dependent on someone or something (or a "higher power") for salvation, guidance, and what-should-I-do-now? advice. This kind of behavior doesn't serve you! It's a fallacy and a mistake to fallback on those things all the time. It can be helpful to have that support system but after everything is accounted for, the will power and the decision to move forward or do anything must come from within yourself.

This most definitely includes playing the cards that are dealt to you in your life the best that you can and not blame yourself for everything that happens around you. I know I personally have been so fortunate in my life to have amazing things happen, many of which can be credited to good choices I made (along with the help and guidance from people I trust, too!). That said, you can't have that perfect, planned life you think you're always on track to have. You have to adjust to the course shifts and steer things around. For me, this require muscle and effort and brains, not to mention some stress and burnout along the way.

Those shifts in course, surprises and situations that arise (and their accompanying challenges) are indeed what make life interesting, beautiful, and worth living. Rising above from where you are now is a hugely motivating and rewarding thing. No one can help yourself more than... well, yourself. It's OK to not know the answers and it's also OK to admit that you don't know, to yourself and quite often to others around you. It's not necessary to know all the answers all the time or to be up in arms, flailing around, because you don't know what you should do next. Take it one day at a time, peeling the onion of each problem and situation, one layer, one stroke, at a time.

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